If your child forgets something, do you bring it to them? There’s a lot of debate among moms about whether or not we should bring a forgotten item – a backpack, homework, lunch, etc. – to a child at school who left it at home. Some schools are even making it a policy. Plenty of parents have said they don’t ever do it, but I want to share why I do bring my kids their forgotten stuff.
My daughter texted me at 8:07. “I left my poster in the car. Can you bring it to school?”
I had just poured milk on my cereal and sat down at the computer to schedule my social media for the day. I paused for just a second, then told her I would finish my breakfast and be there in about 15 minutes.
Why did I drop what I was doing to bring her something? I’ve read plenty of discussions between moms that say bringing your child a forgotten item doesn’t teach them responsibility. If I’m always rescuing my child from her own mistakes, how can she learn?
In the second that I paused, I considered these things:
- We live two miles from the school.
- I work from home on my own schedule.
- She worked really hard on the special project. It wasn’t everyday homework.
- It was a group project, so by not bringing it to her, I was also “punishing” the other 3 kids who contributed.
- School doesn’t start until 8:30, so she could wait for me outside instead of going to the library or study hall and not even be late for class.
Ultimately, I will always bring my children their forgotten things when it is practical. Sometimes I have somewhere else to be, so the answer will be no. Most of the time, though, why shouldn’t I?
I work from home for many reasons – independence, creativity, and no glass ceiling. I also work from home for flexibility. So that I can be there for my family. If I worked in an office downtown, no, I probably couldn’t bring my daughter her project. But that flexibility is a benefit of self-employment that I really enjoy.
If my child forgot her things all the time, it might be different. There’s definitely a problem if you child forgets his or her homework and lunch on a daily or weekly basis. But every once in a while, don’t we all forget stuff?
My daughter is not good at abstract planning and memory. She has a paper planner to write things down so she doesn’t forget, but she forgets to write in her planner daily. She isn’t going to be someone who is always organized and on top of things. I’m grateful that her teachers text all assignments.
My son has anxiety. A small change in routine usually snowballs into several small problems and often leads to a meltdown at the end of the day. If he forgot his lunch, he wouldn’t starve. He also wouldn’t learn anything at school that day {and I would guess that his anxiety would distract most of the class and exhaust the teacher}.
Ultimately for me, my children need to know that Mom is there to back them up. Soon they will be teenagers and I think that’s worth a whole lot more than a lesson in consequences.
I know some parents say let them fail but for them a failing grade was the difference between an A and a B and future scholarships, etc. They learned failure in other areas. They were not always the gold medalist in the areas they competed in. Being the top of the class was critical to get into college with scholarships, especially in small schools. Both boys got through undergraduate without student loans and on scholarships. We took care of most living expenses and they worked too. So if you take the missed item and one day they get a full ride to college, pat yourself on the back.
I agree. I think if your child is forgetting things on a daily basis, it’s important to figure out why and solve that. Too many failures doesn’t teach the lesson that you want to teach.
I have to agree with you. I want my girls to know that I am here to back them up and that their success in school is important.
It’s good to hear I’m not the only one. School is hard enough on its own!