Parenting tweens and teens is a bit different than when they were toddlers – but not much. I’m sharing everything you need to know about parenting teens.
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My oldest child turns thirteen this month. My youngest no longer gets in many places at kids’ price. There’s plenty of advice out there about the baby years – more advice than you probably want to hear.
When it comes to parenting teens, not so much. For all the parents whose babies will soon be entering middle school and hitting the teen years, I want to share everything you need to know about teenagers (and tweens).
Unless you’re a wizard, there isn’t a certain magical age where everything changes.
The changes from little kid to big kid to tween/teen are subtle. They will sneak up on you one day at a time, which is why empty nesters say to enjoy each moment while it lasts.
Being a young mom and the oldest child and cousin in my family, the only people I know whose kids are older than mine are my parents and in-laws. They may be wise in the ways of potty training and other “baby’s first” milestones, but parenting now is just not the same as 20+ years ago. (It never is!)
I’m really just making this up as I go along and leaving a trail of breadcrumbs so that hopefully my friends with younger kids can follow. Or occasionally avoid.
Tween & teen milestones
The milestones that your child hits in the teen years are not as cute and photo-worthy as they used to be. Baby’s first cupcake makes for an adorably messy photo. Your daughter’s first sexual harassment is altogether on a different level.
There are also a lot of lasts. The last baby tooth. The last time you need to pack their lunch. The last time you drive them to school.
These milestones are just as important, even if some of them are hard lessons to learn. You probably have a good idea of what to expect in general from your own experience.
- puberty, health, and body image
- peer pressure, bullies, and relationships
- navigating technology and social media
- balancing school and fun
- getting a driver’s license and/or job
- applying for college – or not
There are no definite milestones, though. Nobody has written a guidebook for what to expect when you expect your child to grow up. Still, there’s really only one thing I think you need to know.
Just listen
For every milestone that your teen hits, it’s just one step in figuring out who they are and who they are going to be. Your job as a parent is to be available.
When my daughter comes home from school and tells me she overheard some boys saying rude things about women, I listen. When my daughter comes home and tells me someone said a clown is going to come to kill them at school, I listen.
Math teacher unfair? Locker combination tricky? Changing clothes in the locker room awkward?
Just listen.
You’ve been practicing for over a decade listening to your child tell really long and boring stories that probably don’t make sense. Now the stories are going to be really important.
(They were important then too, but for a different reason.)
I don’t always have the answers. Sometimes Google can help.
Most of the time, it’s the telling of the story that’s important. Kids are smart. They can figure things out on their own, but sometimes it takes saying something out loud to help it make sense. (If you’ve ever argued with your child, you know that unsolicited advice is going to be ignored.) Sometimes they need to tell you what they think, just so you can validate what they already know.
Children of all ages need to know that their parents love them and are there for them, unconditionally.
And sometimes every now and then, when you’re parenting teens, they will ask for your advice.
What’s next? Try these other fun and creative ideas on One Mama’s Daily Drama:
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