Kids and cell phones. Your child probably wants one. You probably don’t want to buy them one. There are plenty of arguments for both sides of the issue. Several readers have asked, so today I want to share what my husband and I did and how it worked out.
Kids aren’t patient, so things like waiting in line, waiting for food at a restaurant, or long car trips are boring. It’s easy to hand your child your smartphone for a few minutes of peace. Eventually, they’re going to want to have one of their own, though.
Several years ago when my husband and I got new smartphones, we gave the older {slightly damaged} models to our kids.
Without a data plan or a phone number, it’s basically a handheld gaming device. It’s perfect for entertainment and definitely cheaper than buying a Nintendo DS or tablet and all the games they would want.
Since there’s no data, there’s no bill. They can only play games that don’t require an Internet connection or play at home on Wi-Fi. This makes for easy entertainment and just like a video game console or computer, you can create rules and restrict how much they use it.
Monitoring your child’s phone
It’s important to create rules for playing on the cell phone.Those will depend on your family, but we treated the game cell phone like any other electronic device.
TV, video games, or cell phone games are:
- only after chores, homework, and other responsibilities
- limited to a set amount of time, depending on the day
- subject to mom and dad’s supervision and questions
My kids mostly play Minecraft. They also play silly flash games that their friends recommend, but I ask them to show me any new game before they play it and often just lean over and ask what they’re doing. I want them to be happy to share their online lives with me naturally. By teaching them to be open about technology use from a young age, I hope that it will never become an issue.
Although grandma purchased Minecraft, we’ve never paid for apps or anything on the game phones. There is no credit card information anywhere on the phone, so they can’t even accidentally purchase something through the app store or in a game.
We also deleted as much as possible from the old phones, like email and social media apps. You can deactivate apps that came preinstalled if they can’t be deleted.
Buying your tween or teen a “real” cell phone
When my daughter started middle school, a cell phone was on the list of recommended but not required items. It seemed unnecessary, but then grandma pointed out that it was only ten bucks to add another phone to our family plan.
I agreed to the cell phone and then was really glad that I did!
Our middle school has a system where all homework assignments and messages are sent via text. {Through a software program, not directly.} Within the first week of school, we set her phone up to receive text messages from her teachers.
I could’ve just put it all on my phone, but I wanted to give my daughter the responsibility of keeping up with her own homework. Having it all texted to me each day so I could tell her just seemed crazy. With more than one child in middle school soon, my brain would melt.
The school also uses an app for grades. The students can log in and check their grades or see if they need to make up something they missed. Students also use their cell phones in class every week or so because there aren’t enough computers to go around.
Just as with the games, it’s important to create rules for cell phone use.
Cell phone rules
Our rules for having and using a cell phone are mostly about behaving as they would anywhere else with anything else.
- No adding contacts or texting without permission. {We gave a general okay to classmates she knows personally.}
- No secret passwords. There’s a page in my planner binder for passwords.
- Parents can check texts, Internet history, etc. any time.
- Ask permission before downloading a new app. Still no credit card access.
- Don’t share personal info online anywhere.
- If you break it, it might be broken for a while. {Accidents happen, but we’ve all lived with a cracked screen.}
The rules will change as the kids get older. While I want to protect their privacy and let them learn responsibility, it’s also my job to supervise them while they’re young. Our computer and cell phone rules are more or less the same level of supervision that we put into everything else too – watching television, playing video games, reading books, and watching movies.
Social media and privacy
Legally, kids cannot have any online accounts before they turn 13. Of course, that doesn’t mean everyone is following that.
Having a cell phone isn’t the only way for your child to access the Internet and social media. It’s important to talk about technology, appropriate behavior, and privacy before your child has a cell phone.
We have talked about sharing things online many times over the past few years. My kids already know that you shouldn’t post anything online that you don’t want mom and grandma to see. They also know that anything you post online is there forever.
When my kids turn 13, I don’t plan on them suddenly having 1001 social media accounts. Just because they can doesn’t mean they should.
The middle school posts all announcements on their Facebook page. Sometimes it’s the only way I find out about things. On the one hand, it would be nice for my children to have a Facebook accounts and get that info for themselves. On the other hand, I come across nudity, prejudice, and scary news stories daily.
Still, I can’t protect them forever and they need to learn the right way to use social media and technology. My hope is that if they learn the right way as teens, they’ll be much better online citizens at it as adults.
Is your child ready for a cell phone?
I asked my daughter what she thought about having a cell phone. She said that she didn’t really care about having one at first, but now she has come to rely on it. It has been handy when she needs to be picked up from school at a different time or location.
You child might be ready for a cell phone if:
- Their schedule isn’t the same each day.
- They often go places {besides school} without a parent.
- They demonstrate good manners towards others.
- They can be responsible for other important things.
- You don’t have a landline and your child is ever home alone.
Ultimately, kids don’t need cell phones, but they can be helpful. While I don’t think an elementary child needs a smartphone with a data plan, I do think middle school is a good time to introduce a cell phone of some kind. {There are still non-smartphone models out there that only make calls or text.} As kids get older and have more responsibilities technology and cell phones are just one more part of that process.
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